Blake's Journal

a kind of light spread out from the place.
and everything changed colors,
and everything was raised.

and the world opened instantly.
the day was good to awaken to
and there were no limits to see.

it's a beautiful day to be born.
the people of the world are good.
and i am not afraid anymore

That's an old friend of mine. it never dies, sometimes it moves away, or you do.
i will make a garden for the light to live in. A place for the light to shine on. like you do.

Call it your word, call it a fluke, just keep it away from me
Call me a friend, call me a fool, just watch what you say to me
O’ be kind to me, watch what you say to me

Call all the press, I called it again,  O’ god you sang so beautifully
I’m calling the bluff, I’ll say it tonight, Cause I say what I mean
I say what I mean. Do you say what you mean.

Call me by name, Say it again, What do you want from me?
Call and response, The winter gets cold, but you’ll be seeing me.
I can’t help what I see.

You’ll get what you need.
You’ll get what you need.
We all get what we need.

I'm probably about a quarter of the way through. I come from very good people. It's very normal for us to make it into our nineties.

Honestly, it's been really really good so far. There are hundreds of highlights i can think of. And any of the "bad" stuff i wouldn't choose to undo.

I have very few regrets, maybe a few things i've done to other people i wish i could undo, but nothing for my sake.

There's a long list of great people who've passed through, that now i've lost touch and don't know who they are really... growing up, moving around, getting busy. but you can't feel nostalgic if things never change, and i love nostalgia.

The people in my life now are amazingly amazing. I feel as close with my family as i always have, things have changed as we've grown up, but nothing has diminished. My friends are incredible. they dream the same dreams i do. I live 100 yards or less from most of them. they love me. and i know some will be around for the rest of my life.

I think I'm right about where people think you're supposed to be at this point.

My first day of grad school was today, i'm getting my masters in Social Work at OSU, which is exactly what i want to be doing (minus the college loans part, but maybe the economy will crash tomorrow and there won't be any banks to payback, God willing).

I have had amazing travels and i'm ready to be home for a bit.

I've had my share of love affairs.

I've participated in a few immature self-destructive activities that you do when you're young.

I'm damn happy with it all. And there's a lot left out there, keep your eyes peeled.

Here's to the next leg of the journey.

I really do believe we can be fully content in this world, and not because we're unaware of all the troubles it has, or because we think we found the cure for all the trouble we see... but because we manage to see that the world can be troubled and still be beautiful. That despite how big a shit-show the human race is we can still love people, even when it costs us something. We are redeemable here and now. It's funny, i think we start to feel whole when we embrace brokenness. Make any sense?

here's to coming out clean on the other side.

tonight i had a conversation with a friend of mine about centeredness... that feeling of personal stability that leaves you free to love yourself and love others more easily. You find yourself free from the insecurities that otherwise make you selfish, needy, lonely, jealous, anxious. You find there's an inner calm. You're happy, or at least less afraid of being sad.

I've had seasons of my life when i found my "center". they're amazing times. I can't describe to you the difference it makes in my daily life, in my worldview, in my relationships.

The interesting thing is i can't understand how I attained my "center" at any given time. my friend and i both shared that we could remember distinct moments of revelation when we just felt "things are ok, i am ok, this is good", and we managed to sustain those feelings for months... It wasn't something we did, it was something we realized. is it all just a matter of perspective?

how did it happen? why did it happen then? how did i loose it?

I supposse things like prayer, meditation, exercise, diet all play their part... but i'd be interested in knowing other people's thoughts, if anyone is still reading this blog you should write me some of your thoughts.

whatever the random thought processes was that brought me to my journal today remains a mystery... but i'm back. maybe for a while... maybe not.

as you can see, it's mid-september... 2008. as is often the case i am writing to you from Stauf's coffee shop. also, true to form, i'm listening to David Bazan sing his falsetto heart out. the weather is changing in Ohio. things are good, transition's the word.

i've been slowly chipping away at making my third album, "be well", for nine months now... i'm pregnant with the anticipation of it's completion sometime in the next four to six weeks. It's been an amazing experience for me... some good parts and bad parts. I've spent hours trying my hand at capturing something special with my melodies and words. To be honest, i think i've captured some really good songs and feelings. There have been times with the project when i've worked completely alone... and there have been times when i've felt the support and influence of both friends and artists. And the longer i take to finish the album the longer that list of contributors grows. I think "be well" has evolved a lot as i've moved along... and it's so close.

I met with friends: Drew, Nat, and Josh, a couple days ago... i'm at the point with the recordings where i'm not only loosing energy, but i've done as much as i can do musically. there's a short list of additional parts i'd still like to add... and a couple songs i'd even like to give a shot with a full band. so, i'm working up a plan to wrap everything up with there help within month. it'll be great, because we can get everyone in one room on one day and record all the parts i need.

anyway, that's the album update...

i'm also working on bringing a band together. stay tuned.

well friends, i didn't win sufjan's song writing competition.... in fact i didn't even make the top 37 entries. ba-Fing-humbug

but it's still christmas isn't it? and the songs that the folks at asthmatic kitty posted online are honestly pretty great. so go give a listen (look for the link on asthmatickitty.com).

i guess my song is still my song... so you can go give a listen to "the lion and the lamb" here.

enjoy. merry christmas!

i'm taking part in an advent worship experience, so are a lot of my other incredibly talented friends... come hangout.
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take a second and read about my friend's, the stetlers, journey to adopt two children from liberia.

honestly, it would be almost impossible to find a better family than theirs, anywhere.

please support them.

some LP fotos from across the years.
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